You know those moods when every little thing annoys you and don’t feel like doing anything?
The last couple of weeks, I have these moods way too often. One moment I feel happy and content, and then something really small has to happen and I get annoyed by every little thing. Be it a word, an image, anything. And then I go overthinking lots of stuff, think too much about things, and I feel sad. Sad, annoyed and not feeling like anything at all. And then I just break down and cry. I act all normal and happy-ish on the internet, but actually I’m crying and wanting to snuggle against someone and just cry and cry untill I fall asleep from pure exhaustion.
I think that it comes close to moodswings, I guess. And I HATE, HATE, HATE it. Also because I have a gut feeling that the over thinking and sadness comes from insecurity. Wich makes me hate it even more. I don’t want to feel insecure about every godfuckingdamned thing. I just want to smile from the heart and be happy. And be able to say ‘I’m fine, nothings wrong’ without feeling like I lied.
I just want to sit here, with my laptop on my comfortable bed, without any big things going wrong and just live my everyday life without worrying to much. Ofcourse, there are always things going wrong, but let it be small things! Like, being out of cheese or something. Or forgetting to do laundry so you have to recycle dirty clothing.
In the end it comes down to me [over]thinking too much, me being too insecure, and me being too emotional. Also hateful that it takes so long to work on those things. And when I have finally almost reached that level of okay-ness I want, something goes wrong and I collapse and can start al over again. Uguuh. Hopefully, in a few years, I will be able to leave all that behind me and be awesome and glorious.
Just wanted to write that off.